Who Am I To Say?
by NarutardedAngel
Summary: SasuNaru- Just a compilation of Naruto's thoughts after Sasuke leaves the village. Told in Naruto's POV


You were always there...you were always throwing me witty, sarcastic remarks. You were always by my side, close, but never letting anyone think anything else of it. Anyone but me. I could never fathom the thought that something else might have been beneath the surface. Could I have been right after all these years?

Maybe…just maybe…then again…I don't know anything at all. I can't think ahead of myself, also because that's nothing like me. I can't help it though…with you everything is always different. How I would normally act with anyone else changes instantly while you're around. I can never explain it, either…Except for the fact that I can't help it…and I also can't help but like it. I've never felt anything like this…is this what having a best friend really feels like? Or is it the fact that I love you-as a brother, of course. I know that any other type of relationship towards you would never make any sense, much less ever become imaginable…no matter how much I may imagine it. I don't even try, either. As I said, everything with you is always so much more different…

But you've always mislead me into thinking that maybe I _was _right, just a small sliver of a possibility, a hair of a chance. I don't know if it's when you saved my life…when you gave me your first smile…when we trained together…or maybe it was that night. I can still clearly remember it, too. You never wanted it to happen…but you had to make it happen. The power, the revenge, the clan, the opportunities. You had said so many things that night…I can't even believe that I remember it at all, especially with all this clarity. For me, it's amazing. Because nothing will ever be able to amount to what you said to me that night. Only you could possibly ever make it any better.

Of course it's obvious by what I mean by that-if you would just come back. We both know that that's clearly not an option. Now I'm not even sure if it is anymore. Yet I keep searching, I keep running after you. I keep waiting for that day when you might just let me bring you home…when you can be with me again. I miss you-well, no, that's an understatement. You were my best friend…and you just left me here, just…disappeared. I do know one thing, though-or at least I hope I do: Everything you told me that night was not a lie. That's what you had said as well, so I can only try to believe you.

Do you even remember it now? The fact that you've been gone for three years is still very far from being grasped for me, but of course I have to act as if it really happened-because it did. I just really, _really_ wish it didn't. Everything you said still rings in my ears every night, replays in my head, in my dreams. Sometimes…it's a bit like you're still here. You had said that you had cared about me, even if I didn't want to believe that, or anyone else for that matter. You would care for me more than I would ever know, and that's why you had to leave- it was your way of caring for me, making sure that I was safe. As if I couldn't take care of myself. But you cared…so that made up for it. It didn't help at all that I couldn't stop thinking that maybe the way you cared for me wasn't just because I was your best friend. The way you said it made it seem much more different…like how I possibly even cared about you. But you already knew how much I cared about you-half the village already knew, and I bet anyone who would even spend half the time that our team mate does with us would notice how much I care. I've already been accused of being in love with you…I'd just ignore it. I didn't want it to be true, even if it _was_ and I _did_ want it to be. But I didn't want to give in to my emotions… perhaps, the same way you didn't.

Then again, I feel like I'm just jumping to conclusions all over again. You had never come out and said that you were in love with me, and everything that you said and you did while you were here could have been taken completely friendly, or brotherly, for that matter. So who am I to say you love-or loved- me? Because I honestly don't know anything at all.

Now that I'm back dwelling on the past…I also remember you telling me something that you maybe didn't want anyone else to know. Or anyone else to hear…maybe even me. But you told me anyway. You needed me. But if you needed me…then why did you leave me here, practically stranded? Not to say that I'm helpless without you, because I'm not. I'm just a bit…lost, per say. It's hard getting around without you by my side…sleeping alone in my small apartment instead of sleeping over at your house like you would always let me. Maybe, despite what you said, you didn't need me. You just thought you needed me…and then you grew strong enough to break free from the trance you were in…maybe the daze of love that you had captured yourself inside of. So honestly, who am I to say that you need me? Maybe you needed me before…but you don't anymore. Otherwise you might have stayed.

…I really _don't_ know anything…at all…


End file.
